Simply Allie Elaine

As a person with a disability, I have used a variety of assistive devices; such as braces, a Walker or a Scooter, to help me throughout my life. While I can walk independently, I have not always been able to do so. Even though I get around independently now, I still use assistive devices when needed. Assistive devices help me navigate through crowded areas, complete certain tasks with more ease, and lessen my fatigue.

Looking back, I realize that my willingness to use assistive devices as I was growing up, was a reflection of how much I was accepting of myself and my disability. Growing up, I was resistant or uncomfortable when needing to use assistive devices because I was trying to hide my disability, and felt that using assistive devices would make my disability more noticeable to others. As I have gotten older, I have become so much more accepting of myself and my disability. I truly appreciate and value the freedom and independence that assistive devices can give me. My independence matters more to me than how others may see me.

Throughout this blog past, I will go through how I have used assistive devices through each stage of my life, and will reflect on my thoughts and feelings throughout each stage.

Childhood:

The first assistive devices I ever used were a Walker and Orthotics (Braces) on both of my feet. I was about two years old when I started using them to help me walk.

Walker:

I loved my walker growing up! I used it from about two years old until fifth grade, stopping right before middle school. My Walker was silver with red handle bars and grey wheels. It went around my back, so that I was standing in front of it, holding on to the handle bars. The Walker had multiple settings so that as I aged it would “grow with me” and get taller, as needed. I remember wanting to decorate it, so I would put keychains all along the back bar. Most of the keychains were ones gifted to me or were toys from the McDonald’s happy meals. They were all of things I loved at that time; one in particular I remember, being Winnie the Pooh.

When my ability to walk improved, I then used the Walker to help me run. I remember so many times I would run as fast as I could and then right before I would get to a hill, I would push myself up and sit on the back of the Walker so I would glide down the hills. I was so fearless back then!

Of course, there were times I was made fun of, or comments would be made, but I only remember one time, in particular. There were also times where I could not fit into spaces where I wanted to walk, because the Walker was too wide to fit through. However, as I look back now, my overall experience and memories were positive, and bring a smile to my face!

Braces (Orthotics):

I used braces from ages two until seventh or eighth grade.

I have some great memories at the place where I would get fitted for my braces; Real Life Prosthetics (I even ended up interning for them in high school)! I would always look forward to going there so I could pick the design and colors of my braces. Each time my feet would grow, or there was an adjustment that could be made to the brace to help it better support me, my mom would make an appointment, and I would be so excited to pick all new colors and designs for my braces! I was able to pick the color of the padding (that would go at my toes), the color of the top and bottom strap ( one would go all the way at the top of the brace and one would go over my foot closest to my toes). The middle strap, (that would go along the middle of my foot) would be where I could pick a design for my braces. Real Life Prosthetics would have a swatch of all of the strap colors and then a swatch of all of the designs. I would always pick the “design” strap first (picking a different one each time) and then pick a color that would go best with it for the other straps.  One of my first braces had yellow padding, yellow straps, with the middle strap being multi colored hearts. I loved it back then, but to look back now, I really appreciate that there were options to design and customize the braces. It was a way to incorporate some excitement and fun to wearing braces as I was growing up.

As I got a little older, one of the things I struggled with most when walking, was the heel-to-toe motion (and is something I still struggle with now at times). This would often cause me to scuff my feet which would increase the likelihood that I would trip. This would also lead to my shoes getting holes at the toe area. In order to combat this, I was able to get a brace that had a flexible opening at the heel. This allowed for my ankle to have more flexibility when walking, to help improve the heel-toe motion.

One thing that was a struggle when wearing braces, was finding shoes that I liked, and were wide enough to fit over the braces.  Another struggle for me was that most of my braces were taller than my shoe. In the summer time, I would feel self-conscious of others seeing them. I was always happy in the winter when they would be able to get covered by my pants leg. I remember my feet often felt confined and hot in the braces, and remember feeling “free” when I was able to take them off after a long day.

Teen Years:

I would have to say high school was a time in my life that I was the most self-conscious of my disability. As a result, I did not use assistive devices during that time. I would use the elevator in my high school, because there was no way I could use the stairs with all of the other people using them between every class. I would have felt more embarrassed trying to go up and down the stairs in front of everyone.  My friends also liked being able to use the elevator with me between classes (you were not able to use the elevator if you did not need it), which made needing to use of the elevator not bother me so much.

There were only certain instances where I did use assistive devices during my teen years. I would often use a wheelchair to conserve my energy on family trips. I never wanted to take pictures of myself in my wheelchair, and would always get out of the wheelchair if anyone wanted to take a picture. I would always feel so self-conscious while I was in it, always looking to make sure no one was staring at me, instead of enjoying my time.

Crutch:

I also used a crutch, one time, at a high school football game. My crutch was a hot pink color and would wrap around the top of my arm, with a bar in the middle of it that I would hold on to. I remember feeling so nervous to go to the game, where everyone would see me with the crutch. I felt as though it would draw more attention to my disability because I walked around independently while in school. My friends knew how nervous I was and kept telling me no one would care, but I felt to uncomfortable and never brought it to another event again.

College Years:

Scooter:

The year before starting community college, my family and I sat down and had a conversation about how I would be able to get around the campus. We came to the decision that the only way I would really be able to navigate the campus, would be to use a Scooter. This conversation was one of the hardest conversations for me, but also one of the most important ones. I was extremely upset and frustrated realizing that the only way I would be able to go to college would be to use a Scooter. Growing up I always told myself, “it will be different when you’re an adult,” and I always pictured walking a college campus completely on my own, with no help, like everyone else. To realize this would not be the case, was extremely hard to accept and I felt very disappointed in myself. After all these years of reaching my goals and putting in all this effort to walk independently, I would now need to rely on a Scooter to get around, I felt as though I was declining and not progressing.

All of these feelings made me realize that I was ashamed of my disability, and this part of myself. I had spent years trying to hide it and make sure no one would notice it. The use of a Scooter everyday would not make this possible anymore. Recognizing this was such an important moment for me. I realized that I did not want to feel this way anymore. I wanted to love every part of me, and that would include my disability. I decided that I was not going let myself feel this way anymore, and began to change my mindset on my disability. This obviously did not happen overnight. I would still wait after class so I was the last one to leave the room so no one saw me in my Scooter. However, when I would get in it each day, I would remind myself that many other people with disabilities use a Scooter/Wheelchair every day to get around. This mindset would help me to not feel alone, remain grateful for being able to walk, and all of the things I have been able to accomplish.

When it was time for me to live on a college campus, I was much more comfortable and confident being in my Scooter. It was also nice that at this school I did not know anyone. Everyone would start off right away seeing me in a Scooter, whereas, at my community college, I would still run in to people from high school. These people who had once seen me walk independently, were now seeing me in a Scooter. This was also the first time that I was living on my own, and my Scooter allowed me to do this!

I took that scooter everywhere; to classes, friends’ houses and parties. It was the way I was able to do everything I wanted to do. I also used it to buy groceries at the little store we had on campus, and used the small basket that my Scooter had, to carry my items back to my house. There were still hard days/rough times being in the Scooter; going to class in the rain and not being able to hold an umbrella, when my battery would die and I was stuck in the middle of the path and random people would have to push me back to my house, and when someone made fun of my Scooter right before going to a party. But, I was able to live at on a college campus, I was able to meet such kind strangers who would take the time out of their day to help me get back to my house, and I was able to go to all the parties I wanted to and feel safe and truly have fun. It is all about your mindset, and I chose for my mindset to be more positive than negative.

Walker:

I also had a new Walker that I brought with me to college as well. This one I stood behind, with a seat that folded down. I brought the Walker with me to help me get around my house on campus. I ended up not really needing it, and got more comfortable moving around the house over time. The Walker was still nice to have just in case. My roommate and I ended up calling my walker “little red” and my scooter “big red” because both were the color red. It was always funny to see my friends ride my scooter and joke around.

Work:

When I first started working for the job I have now, I worked in our office. My job is a desk job, working on the computer and answering phones, which is good for me. It is something I can do independently and comfortably. Although, the majority of my work was done at a desk, there were still times I needed to move around the office.

Walker:

I decided to bring my Walker (the one I had used in college) to work with me, I would leave it in our office supply closet to use whenever I needed it. During my first few months at the job, I would go in, grab my Walker and put it next to my desk for when I needed to move around the office. I only did this until I felt comfortable moving around independently. Even the first day jitters or being nervous to walk around my coworkers can make it more difficult for me to walk. As a result, I would be more stiff due to the nerves.  As I got more comfortable within the office, I did not need it as much. I only used it to help me complete certain tasks at the end of the day; such as; fill up the coffee. pot (at the end of the day I was usually quite tired). I would always need to be ten steps ahead, and find ways to allow me to complete all the tasks I needed to accomplish. When needing to refill the coffee pot, I would put the coffee pot in the basket, that was under the seat, of my Walker. This way when I filled it up it would not spill. After a while, I am happy to say, that I felt I did not need to use my Walker at all at my work place.

Now:

I still work for the same job I had gotten right after college, but now I work from home. As a result, I do not use assistive devices too much. I do not need an assistive device to help me walk around my home, and when I go out with my friends I just hold on to them if I need a little help walking around. I do, however, use a Scooter or Wheelchair when on vacation with my family, Overall, I am able to get around pretty independently at this stage in my life. If I feel I do need to use an assistive device, now, I am more than happy to do so.

I have realized, looking back, that Assistive Devices have been with me through all of life’s milestone and have been by my side to support me and make me the independent person I have always strived to be. It has taken me a long time to appreciate the assistive devices that have helped me along the way. But I am happy that I can now use them comfortably and with confidence!

While I still have hard days from time to time, I truly feel that my college years on campus, and now, are the times in my life where I have been the most accepting of myself, and have the most amount of confidence in myself and my disability. Starting this blog has also showed me how far I have come with my own self love and self-acceptance. It is such a great feeling!

My disability is my struggle, but it is also my strength, and I wouldn’t change a thing!

-Allie Elaine🖤